Magpies to fund research into songbird decline

The Black Grouse can exclusively reveal that a group of influential Magpies tired of being used as a scapegoat for the precipitous decline in many British Songbirds are to fund a study into the impact of human beings on our farmland and woodland passerines.

The spearhead of the campaign, Maggie Picker, commented:

“Human beings have increased dramatically since the 1960s and they seem oblivious to inimical impact that their population has had on the ecosystem.”

“If the current rate of environmental degradation continues, then I’m afraid we are going to have to call for a cull.”

Ms Picker also lamented the recent absence of a “good war” in keeping the human population in check.

“Previously the mass of humanity was much less peaceable and would senselessly slaughter each other in endless fatuous conflicts – this simply doesn’t happen anymore.”

The research could however prove controversial within the wider avian community. Larid Grayson – a spokesperson from “Gulls for Garbage” chipped-in with:

“We are delighted with the expansion of the human population and their profligate and unsustainable lifestyles.”

“Years ago, we used to feed on crabs and other bits and bobs – now we have fetid morsels from all corners of the globe all within one huge landfill site – we couldn’t be happier.”

Gil Scott Heron, from charity du jour “Help for Herons” also has reservations.

“Where there are humans, there are ponds. And where there are ponds, there are fish.”

“.....and by the way, although it is completely off the point, thebiggestheron, has a space left on his tour to the Sunderbans this Sunday. Email Goliath@yahoo.coot

Until later.